29th July (yesterday)

some good news to illuminate the crap. In fact an amazing piece of good fortune came my way.

I was in the magistrates court Swansea yesterday to plead guilty to not one, not two, but three speed camera offences, that’s nine points on top of the nine i already have on my much worn driving license.

The case had already been adjourned twice due to the Covid, and adjourned once because i wanted to have the case conducted in the welsh language. (It’s my right don’t you know…..obviously this works much better as i can speak welsh. If i was non -welsh speaking but asked for the case to be done in welsh i’m not sure how it would go; there’d be one translator for me , to put what i say into welsh, and then another translator, to translate it back into englsih for the judge!)

Anyway, in a case like this the accused (or offender ) gets the opportunity to ask for compassion from the magistrates. If you have the money you can pay for a lawyer to do that for you. Bugger that….I took my chances on my own.

But i didn’t believe i had any chance. None whatsoever. I mean, 9 points is a lot – i reckoned they’d give me a longer than 6 month ban for that – 6 months being the standard length for a 3 point offence. And the law – you know – is THE LAW.  It wants to make an example of you, teach you a lesson etc

However, to cut to the chase – but not at a speed exceeding the limit – I was not given a ban, just the fine.

I haven’t yet fully appreciated how lucky i have been here.   Yes i do feel some relief and joy , but not really proportional with the ‘get out’ I ‘ve been given.  I should be in shock,  – maybe the Covid contributed to the moood of the magistrates.  Maybe they’d had a nice luch. And they certainly asked me quite a few questions, not just about my comedy work – which is currently dead-  but also about the talks I do in schools where i act as a role model for entrepeneurs of the future. I think they could see that my car is essential for stuff like that.

 

It’s been a fortunate week in more than one way

 

More to come.

 

 

July….23rd , 2020

hey ho

Tune into Radio Cymru on August 9th, 6.30 – Diogi (Laziness)…it’s welsh language…they would do subtitles, but on the radio that sort of makes it english.

Coincindences…always been a big fan. Used to read books about it – a good one is Jung’s Synchronicity.  Do coincidences have any significance? that is the question, or are they random events, and ae bound to happene becasue that’s what the law of averages dictates ?

That could be true, i don’t know – what ? do i look like i have a degree in physics ? I hope not because I’ve spent years trying to cultivate a non-science look.

Anyway, when a coincidence happens i always get a frissant of electricty run through me. But , you know, if it’s a really unsual chance event, – like the odds are stacked against it so high it seems impossible – when that happens it makes me think Wow….is that a sign!!??

So me and Eleri are watching a DVD, of a film called Come Home Little Sheba…it’s a hearbreaking American drama from the 50’s.  It’s also an american disc, and i’ve had it in the house about 3 years without playing it til this evening. It’s only recently i  had the means to play it, as i just bought a DVD player for multi region discs.

We watch the film, and it’s great. I ordered this relatively obscure film from Amazon. I must have ssen a reference to it somewhere, but it’s very difficult to come by; i ain’t never seen it on the box, and not available as a UK disc…quite rare it seems.

After we watch it we go downstairs – (the DVD player is in the bedroom Eleri having done out the spare room nice) – then we have supper, and we watch something else on TV  (I think we watch too much stuff)….Anyway, as I’m watching the tv an advert comes on the Talking Pictures channel for a film they’re showing next week..,fuck me it’s Come Home Little Sheba. I mean, you wouldn’t believe how long i’ve been waiting to see that film – well actually you might – but the fact is the DVD was gathering dust at the bottom of a pile, and it’s like, one day one day…thinking if i don’t get round to watching it i’ll never ever see the film.

And there, on the same day i fianlly get around to watching it….it comes up on TV.

SHhhhiiisshhhhkebabs

As to what if any significance that has in my life….who knows? But it might mean something. Not sure if the content of the film has anything to do with…like i was meant to watch that story for some reason

 

 

 

 

july 20 20 20

duw fi’n cofio dod lawr man ‘na…

 

what’s relevant today is what it is.

Hi people…i went for a nice walk today and reflected on things that have been happening the last few weeks. it seems like a good thing to be able to see from the other’s point of view. But on the other hand, when you try and do that, you feel – yes you can actually feel – the pain that you’ve caused . shit – that’s like the Bwiti religion in west africa.

If i put myself in your shoes i’ll probably get corns on my toes, but on the other hand i’ll get a blister….becasue you’re holding it in the flame.

Morning sickness – you know you’ve had it when the sun comes up….it probably went down the wrong way.

Names do hurt me….is this an ego thing? let’s meditate – or even medicate – and work it out

19th July…

Temper myself…

I had morning sickness…i knew it was morning sickness becasue the sun came up…must have gone down the wrong way.

Ei Oop !

Things are ok, my brain is calming….still no comedy gigs in the diary, but some appearing on the horizon.

I hope to have Dublin in February. Originally was meant to do that gig last September, but what with one thing and another.

Language is a powerful thing. Talking to my friend about it he pointed out – as the door was open at the time – and then told me that the phrase ‘witch hunt’ is closely associated today with Trump. It’s true the president uses it often to denigrate the press.

But then if i myself am being attacked, say, on social media, what phrase can i use to best describe the feeling?

the analogy of a witch hunt is probably inaccurate anyway in these times of cancel culture and virtue signalling.

When a group of people set out to get you, whether on the web, or in real life, it’s closer to the mob searching for the monster than a witch hunt. Look at the climax of any Frankenstein film – especially the Universals and Hammers – and there you see the baying crowd, the villagers, they’ve had enough of killings. They won’t listen to reason anymore….it’s the monster what done it….They get their torches lit and set out as one, up towards the castle.

In a witch hunt it seems the witch did at least get a trial. Ok it was an unfair one, and she – or he (yes men were accused of dealing with the devil too) – died either way, whether they confessed or not.

The monster, in contrast, does not get a trial. He – or it – does not get a hearing. His cries are drowned out….

If Trump were drowned in concrete would that be setting a precedent?

july…10th (?) 2020

So….the world of comedy is getting weirder and weirder.

Last week i agreed to do a gig – online i.e. a virtual gig – for free, a short set for a bloke in Cardiff, with all donations going to BLM.

about 3 days ago he facebooked me to say he was sorry but he had to pull me from gig because someone had complained to him about my ‘behaviour’ in the past. If i quote him word for word it would be in welsh, so for the general reader’s benefit here i’ll stick to the english, and summarise.

Anyway, i was shocked, gobsmacked, angry…and told him so. we had a short exchange on FB about it. Basically he wouldn’t reveal to me who it was who’d said this thing, or what the accusation was.  I pressed him on it but he claimed he was not 100 percent up on the details himself, just that someone complained to him that they wouldn’t feel comfortable with my doing the gig …remember this is a virtual gig so i would be nowhere near anybody physically !

Firstly , dear reader, I am innocent of any wrong doing…..so i was angry for that reason. Secondly, i was angry becasue i’m not being informed of what it is i’m meant to have done. am still in the dark about it.

I kept thinking it must be one of the other acts on the bill, and i assumed the ‘accusation’ was something to do with what’s going down on the comedy scene at the minute. i.e. the phenomenon of women being harrassed by men. (again: Not Guilty!)

–  On a tangent: what about the consequences of this stuff on the mental health of performers like myself? Yes there are people with genuine grievances out there, but there are also names being mentioned on the social media right now of people who’ve not done anything wrong. There are attempts at naming and shaming people who’ve not done anything wrong.

This bloke, the comedy booker, has left me paranoid.  Though in this case he did it discreetly, and did not expose it to the world wide web

I did get out of him in the end that it wasn’t one of the acts on the bill who’d ‘accused’ me …but he remained adamant that he wouldn’t or couldn’t tell me the nature of the accusation, which i think was out of order.

I can only speculate….

so the gig is for Black Lives Matter…- THINKS – my girlfriend suggested it might be linked to something that happened in the National Eisteddfod last year, when a man in the audience heckled me by saying i’d done a racist joke. He took it further and when that became a thing on Twitter  last August- you can read about this in previous blogs by the way – the guy became vulgar and rude to me whenever i’d write a response to his initial comment, but attracted other accusers and people keen to be part of the witch hunt action….;witch hunt’, a horrible image…more like ‘kill the monster’, like the inevitable gathering of villagers with torches at the end of every Frankenstein film.

By the way, how come no one pulls up anyone for bullying on social media – again another way of harming mental health  – ??  If you are accusing somebody of doing or saying something wrong then surely, if you accuse by bullying that negates -or aught to negate – the credibility of the accuser.

In fact, it seems to be the opposite, – or has been in my little experience – that the bullying element of the accuser is ignored . In the case of last year’s tweet it didn’t matter that this guy would say things to me like ‘prick’, ‘cunt’ ‘shit flows out of your mouth’, ‘you piss your pants’…-other people seemed to be more keen to join in with him and get me to admit something, rather than call him out for his offensive, intimidatory attitude.

There’s got to be a law about all this.   If  i had the money i would probably go to a lawyer and consider a libel case. – and that applies to the bullshit on Comedy Collective a couple of weeks also –  but i don’t. Apparently there’s never been legal aid for libel cases.

 

When i was doing comedy before the advent of social media i also got treated unfairly or unjustly then, by a promoter or agent from time to time…it’s not a new thing.  Life is unfair.

Most comedians will occasionally do a gig with someone on the bill they don’t like. you just get on with it.   But now it seems there’s a new idea in place. In fact , looking at previous FB pages of the bloke who booked me for this BLM gig you see the idea in the form of a manifesto:

‘Feel free to approach me and tell me about anyone you’re not comfortable with’…i am not quoting it verbatim, but the word ‘blacklist’ is used. He’s happy to build up a Blacklist! based on what ? hearsay ?   In this case the gig was free so i did not lose any money….but if this idea snowballs..? Fuck me there will be a comedy police drawing up rules for what jokes to do and which jokes not to do !!!  Mind you it might not affect as by the time that comes about i will probably have been banned from the live circuit all together.

 

I think it was a cowardly act

 

Stay safe