have i seen the lawns look so greeeeeeen, the weather has been scorching of late, but then again i’m not to blame, a victim of the rain. Marauders have stolen my land, my language, and they will have my soul if they think they can get it. Georgio Marauder. what is life but a pitiless, pointless exercise. The gigs i thought i had , that filled my diary like flowers in the park, now no more.

What to do? recount things i guess….but what seemed important yesterday now has faded. the back of mind has so many memories, memories with their backs against the wall. I came across a large teddy bear, i mean big, bigger than an eight year old. Not that i keep eight year olds in my shed as height gauges. But of wouldn’t that be jolly…

It was in new condition but a bit wet from the drizzle. so i grabbed it and took it home, and dried it on the washing line. EBAY!

Benn practising my guitar, scales n shit. worked out the chords to Louie Louie – the kingsmen version of this song is great, a bit kooky, all over the place and yet comes together. The lyrics of the song caused a furore in its day. but the truth is the singer sings it such that you can’t work out what he’s saying. the song is the viewpoint of a sailor, going home to Jamaica to see his love again, he ‘s talking to a bloke ,Louie, about it. Instead of saying ‘ I’ he says ‘Me’ like they do over there. Me said a ship across the sea…it’s magical. But in the conservative early 60s , even if they couldn’t hear the words, some people took offence anyway. the tone of the song is probably what upset them it’s muddy, it’s electric, it’s a dirty mix. Ironically, the bit of the recording that is actually rude was never noticed – the drummer shouts ‘fuck’ about a third of the way through. you can clearly hear him, even on the youtube. well, you can hear him shout something, faintly. but they got it on the track.

Anyway, i realised it’s a stepping stone, i mean musically it’s so simple, but also has a minor chord which makes it different . the rhythm is derived from cuba. How i wish i’d gone to see the Bueno Vista Social Club when it was around – could have played some bingo (when you win you shout commune). It’s a great song.

Chess. getting better at it i think. still quite boring a lot of the time, i mean, once you’ve had your queen pinched it’s like an uphill battle. but that’s what the endgame is all about. It’s important, according to Jeff, to play out the endgames. to be able to play them out. what is this? chess or the marvel universe ?

Inferiority – i’m not saying it’s a complex, but it’s there, a feeling, sometimes. maybe there’s a place where i wouldn’t feel it, maybe there’s a workshop, or a therapy out there that will help. Maybe i should get a keyboard for my laptop arranged vertically, who knows what, if any, solution there is. to be had. i saw Lucas, and stayed over night. watched an absolutely brilliant film called Miss Violence. Greek. It was a slice of life, the european film makers do this better than US. the unfurling of events before your eyes, gradually and realistically. without giving anything away, without any contrived plot points, the horror of a situation hits you – like a diary. Not really a story as such. a bit like that Rumanian film about the woman , during communism, who wanted an abortion. A gruelling unfurling of events, over a few weeks.

If an inferiority complex was simple it wouln t be called a complex. excuse my spelling, but i can t b botehred going back anymore, to correct the erros, it’s too much hassle. warts and all it is.

i once did a show in a pub in carnarvon called the ship and castle, but locals called it the shit and hassle.

got a glass of something thrown over me in that pub. the woman who did it did on teh way out, as she walked past the stage. she hadn’t likes me referring to her and her friend as two fat slags. but it was more implied, i mean i never said outright you are the 2 FS. (they were on the large side, and the 2FS are comic characters, i thought they’d laugh). this is the problem with a comedy gig in a pub, with no entry fee, and with no allocated space.

So long ago. and now i’m writing crap. trying to forge something, been thinking about rejigging this website, drooping certain pages, ( or dropping even) changing them into something else. i need a place where i can attempt to construct a script or a book or or

+++++++++++++++p/

like a character voice instead of my voice…

what else happened ? been digging up the turf on teh front. it’s actually organic degraded matter from grass and weeds, built up over the years. it looks like it was put there deliberately, but no, it’s built up on top of the flat stones underneath. the bloke who lived here before, eleri’s father, was a good gardener, and made a rock garden out front.

i actually do have a gig this saturday, in or near kidderminster.