cant recall if i mentioned – the other week E and i finally went to play at the local bingo,,,castle bingo…ironically the Mecca of local bingo. it was ok, good fun but fuck me it’s a bit complicated to get into. i mean if u haven’t been before: different books, and timings and prices. E did win £20, which offset the 50 quid, or whatever it was it cost to play.

we also went bowling nit too long ago – good fun.

C and i went to see The Boogey Man in Vue, Swansea. not great film, but what made it intolerable was the darkness of the film, the kind of darkness that simulated that effect when you look at your laptop screen at an angle – images of people becoming like burnt out negative silhouettes. so, i complained to the cinema. a day later the manager emailed me two comps. Ha ! who says it’s not worth complaining!?

saw an excellent ‘existensialist’ crime film on Youtube, from 1970/1, with the brilliant George C.Scott; the Final Run. that is its name. a getaway driver goes on one last job. cool dialogue, unexpectly subtle.

Oh but wait, did i tell you about my experience with a house i booked via Booking,com? a few weeks ago it was – disgusting, terrifying, awful experience. and booking.com still ain t refunded my £30! . stay tuned…

well, i did get through a difficult week, as i knew i would, all things must pass a they say. on friday 23rd june i drove down to swansea train station to get a train to gatwick…lo and behold all trains in and out from there are basically cancelled. the woman, dawn, advises me to drive, so i do, snap decision in it…i drive from swansea to gatwick, which means i have to pay over 100 quid for parking. i am knackered, almost fallin asleep at the wheel, but still quicker than a train – especially a cancelled one.

Then i get on the first flight to oslo, all good, but it arrives late, very late, so i miss my connecting flight to Tromso. i’m walkin through a foreign airport, with very few staff, tryin to get some help – got to say the norwegian staff there were quite snooty. One lady did help me, but not before persuading me she had a nazi connection (figuratively speaking). You see, i had no idea if i should get my 2 bags from off the carousel, or leave then for a possible connecting flight. eventually i am given ,for free, a replacement flight, very late, into tromso, and am told that I am supposed to leave the bags. (though i had already been told the opposite before – in fact there would have been no point waiting for them by the carousel, which i did at one point start doing, because being transfer bags they would not emerge).

by the time i get into tromso – it’s now almost midnight, and very bright daylight – i discover my guitar is not appearing. great ! i’m a fuckin comedic entertainer on a ship for lots of elderly americans, and i ain t got my guitar, nor all the visual gags that were packed into the guitar case :(…anyway i get a taxi – which i pay for – to the hotel in town. that’s pleasant. get free snacks. some sleep. then tehre’s a pick up to the ship in dock the next morning. that morning is when i meet the otehr entertainers : Becky a cardiff girl who is an adele tribute…Chris who is a Neil Diamond tribute..and gaston who just is…a magician. In the course of the next week i get to see all their shows. But for me, it’s tonight i perform – shit, will my guitar turn up?? by around 6pm it does show up at the ship along with the lost bags of several other crew. Phew relief…

what’s slightly weird is i only got to do one set – repeated tonight – for the whole duration of the trip, usually it’s two sets, on different nights. so i do my shows, and then it’s just a case of lying low , in my cabin, and on deck, and of course in the refectory (galley). Life could be worse i guess. at least i don t have to do ay of the shit jobs, like cleaning rooms, cooking cleaning – they seem to be at it almost around the clock.

the other advantage of having only one show is i can shove all my best stuff into that 45 minutes. i.e. if i can remember it all. I do just about for my first show, but my second show, at 9.30, is better, in fact i’d say it’s the best show i’ve ever done on a cruise ship. the trouble is i can never get raucous laughter for the set. but i do believe i am amusing and entertaining.

Cruise passengers generally seem to stay in the room though a few leave, no doubt to complain, over the next few days a couple come up to me and compliment me. one guy, Jeff, even befriends me, and allows me into his cabin to use his internet. and starts giving me old jokes…

Highlights: in both shows the Darth VAder routine – which utilises a volunteer from audience – is a winner. The guitar cover of course goes great, the ‘new’ prop gag of a vape with a party blow out gets a round of applause.

after all is said and done though i can’t be sure what the feedback will be – i managed to stick to the fairly narrow parameters: no religion, politics, jokes about disabilities, no swearing whatsoever, and stick to my time. ok i mentioned the word bitch/sonofabitch – but hey they’re americans, i also name dropped Boris Johnson, but does he count as politics anymore ? i mean he’s resigned.

Interestingly, Becky scoffs when i tell her about avoiding jokes about disabilities, quoting my ‘artificial legs’ reference – the full joke is: I didn’t know what to give people for xmas, so i juts gave artificial legs…well they’re a stocking filler’. Really ? a joke about disabilities ? i mean, in my perception that line has absolutely FA to do with a disabled person’s prosthetic leg….it could be a plastic leg of any kind, like a mannequin leg….sounds like the reverse of the Sapir Warf theorem, where a person’s perception of what a word represents effectively changes the actual object referred to.

I went one entire day without food, well, fasting for 24 hours is a start.

Chris Diamond voice is absolutely spot on, as is becky’s impersonation of adele. (she drops her welsh accent for the in between sings bits in favour of a cockney).

the lady who introduced me did a cod welsh accent on my first intro. Before the second show i asked her backstage if she could refrain, she was ok with that but seemed slightly surprised. I think she thought i would find it funny. Well, maybe it is funny, but i didn’t want it. odd, how other performers’ accents are not mimicked during their introductions e.g. the magician Gaston, who’s from argentina.

Or maybe because i’m a comedian a straight intro – as is given to other artists – is not au fey. Oh Fay!

read a coupel of books, one on religious experiences, a bit dry but ok. also most of the Thin Man by Dashiel Hammet.

Got home while Glastonbury weekend was happening (the trip home was lot smoother though still long). while i was away got a FB message re a gig on the friday near Redditch…i’d completely forgotten about this, But what a treat that was – lovely giving audience, and £220 fee….Yes! just as well, as i bought a new guitar and amp that morning, new from the charity shop that is…

had a saturday free. went for a drive with a friend, the weather was boiling, went to see the prehistoric stones in avebury. got home on sunday, and watched elton john’s 2 hour glasto set. must admit he is a hell of an entertainer.

some people will come back from glastonbry with sleep deprivation. oh well, they shouldn’t have spent the weekend in an isolation tank.

i’m not going to b obtuse, as a celt i can’t be an angle. But a mysterious force seems to have crept into my life. i’m on a roll, it seems, with my gigs. of course the next one might go terrible. Been up and down, like a mad yo yo, the UK. off to isle of man 2moro, then chichester, then up north. might have to hire a car cos the brakes on mine seem to be worn (again – annoying as i only had them done at the start of march – clearly some fuck up by the garage).

Met a very interesting artist/poet/comedian called Clare Ferguson-Walker. she went down well at Cinema&Co. a couple of weeks later i guested on her podcats,(meeaw) where we talked death, dreams, and physics – a most delightful experience.

Did the RightLeftand Centre programme for Jim Davidson’s internet channel. what a laugh that was. fair play he gave me 2 days work, and i like to think i nailed it. on the second day Bobby Davro turned up, what a funny man! he was on the other panel facing my position, and we riffed a bit off each other. it was truly great fun. and i think the audience appreciated it. also did a mirth gig, for a private company, – a corporate as they say in the business – they seemed to be happy, but there was so much more i could have done in terms of ad-libbing around the people there. the boss of the company was totally up for a laugh.

went for a walk in Llansteffan south of carmarthen, a castle i never knew existed. the weather this week has been sublime.

My grass has run out. probably a good thing.

The last Cu gig went really well. steve N allen totally killed it at the end, but all the acts did well. the last one in Abels Harp nr Shrewsbry also went well, – there had been a mix up on the advertising which perhaps explained the low attendance. nevertheless the audience were good, appreciative. Though one poor lady had an accident during the interval, slipping on the flagstones out back and bumping her nose badly. had to go to A&E.

And so on to the cruise ship experience. well, i thought i did – overall – well. The four shows got laughs; two in the theatre, two in the lounge bar. I improvised, i interacted, i got a volunteer up etc. mainly americans in the audience – so i stuck to to the rules : no religion, no politics, no jokes about disabilities….and yet, when the final report came back it was like ‘he didn’t go down well enough, so we don’t want him back’. they even removed me from an upcoming cruise on the same ship in June. luckily i do have another cruise on a different ship, which has been kept in the diary. during the 2 day trip – yes quite brief – i stayed mainly in my room, reading and watching films. One has to be careful with the public. Of course i had to scour all my previous archived material for anything usable. basically i had to do 2 times 45 minutes of clean material, all following the above rules. thanks must go out to to Richard Jay – he gave me a great line about Joanne of Arc -‘ i always thought she was Noah’s sister’!

drove from paris to the amsterdam hilton – oh no that was someone else. drove from blaby to Hailsham…did a good gig, when mucking around with the backdrop the entire thing fell on me ! in blaby i’d stayed with Matt, who i ain t seen in ages. we had a good catch up and a good lunch, on me – well i don t want him thinking i treat him as a hotel. As luck would have it i also gave a lift to a comedienne called Kirsty, from Leicester, – turns out she is the partner of the amazing one liner pun man Masai Graham – when i got to their house they lent me their air matress. which i slept on in Matt’s living room. very comfy.

was on a ship. in my cabin reading, the bed clothes all freshly laundered. clean, crisp, fresh sheet under me, but then i notice there’s little things prickling my skin underneath.

like crumbs. i can feel them, brush them off…but where are they are coming from ? i hadn’t been eating crisps or biscuits. every time i lie down to read my book i have to move and move again. i keep brushing butt he keep coming back. even after the sheets are changed by room service i can still feel them. they’re yellow.

Maybe they’re slivers of washing powder, something in the system. i keep reading my book, The Slave by Singer. Oh but then i see it, then it dawns on me. the book’s telling me that it wants me to finish it.

See, the cover had come off the book…and the glue on the spine, dried up yellow flaky stuff, was unbeknownst to me falling like dandruff.

insane travelling….drove overnight from port talbot to suffolk. drove overnight from mold to heathrow,

now staying overnight in gibraltar…

buy a t-shirt…why not??