health problems….piling up. it’s no fun getting older is it. High cholesterol ? statins are on offer. apparently they’re incredibly effective. that’s what this doctor told me. But ideally i would like to diet and exercise and lose weight…so i can avoid taking drugs. but then they are a great invention, so i may take advantage. if only it were easier to get a gp appointment, it’s like i need smoke signal to communicate with him/her. My father was on loads of drugs, and by my age he’d already had 2 heart attacks and was suffering permanent angina. But my dreams are as empty as my conscience seems to be…

where have all my friends gone? people running around, doing their business, have no time to talk with old noel. Fuckin hate the mask that i wear, because it’s been forced on me by powers unknown. a mask which not only hides my face, my personality, but stops me doing things…and the fascists on the comedy scene do nothing to help. friends to me is just another word for distraction. My poor lonely self always crying out for company, for french ships. but i would love to subsume this need. and i try. but whatever the cause of this need, the void inside it won’t, try as i might, relinquish its secret or its hold on me.